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Loving you... every day... don't you look no more, love without a --Haha, sorry! Welcome back, though.
It looks like our family got bigger over the break and we have some new members! Allow me to FORMALLY welcome you to K. Michel Press on behalf of everyone here. We don't have followers, we have family. With that said...
This is The 8 O'Clock Cat! Nice guys...? Somebody really wants to know my thoughts on nice guys? Really? Hmm. Let me ask you a question.
Nice guys are in demand, well... that's what women say. Women have verbally stated that they want to be with a nice guy... a guy that treats them with respect, a guy who's on the right path in life, and a guy who can appreciate them. Sounds good to me. And yet, actions are not being backed by words. Nice guys are among the most SINGLE men right now; virtually ignored. Why is that?
Well, communism sounded nice in theory, but in practice it grew into a nightmare in many European countries. Maybe this is one of those kinds of things.
It sounds nice, but do we REALLY want that? Let's face it. When a woman gets in that mood, the last guy she's thinking about is the nice guy... and that's a BAD thing for a man. NO man wants to be the guy that no one desires or longs for. Maybe women don't really like nice guys, but are ashamed to admit that they don't like them for some reason.
It's funny, but nice guys actually do have it a lot harder than other guys. I DO notice that nice guys aren't as outgoing as other kinds of guys. Meaning that they usually sit behind the scenes, hoping that someone spots and notices them for the "catch" that they are.
In order to get ANY kind of affection, at some point a man has to be outgoing. Now this brings an interesting point. Is it the nice guy's fault for not being as outgoing as other guys?
Are nice guys, in fact, unattractive? What is it about a nice guy that rubs women the wrong way? Is there a "nice girl" dilemma too? If this continues, there may not be any "nice" people left. Haha. But then, c'est la vie.
This is The 8 O'Clock Cat saying... loving you, said loving you is all that I --all that I wanna do.
17 OF YOUR THOUGHTS PRESSED:
I am just going to quote from my own blog post I did like over a year ago similar to this (because I am too lazy to shorten it sorry in advance!)
Now, let us return to why we date the assholes. Why do we look for love in all the wrong places? Nice guys always get mad because they listen to women complain about how they're looking for someone nice, but they repeatedly go for the ones that treat them like shit. Though not as popularized in discussion, good women also get really annoyed when we see this great guy who's trapped in some relationship with a total, mind-fucking bitch. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why is it that when we finally grow up and KNOW better, we go right back into these heart-wrenching disasters? Like Carrie of Sex in the City asked herself during the end of her relationship with Big, "Why do I keep doing this to myself? I must be a masochist." Are we? I think it's possible, but I offer up another explanation…
It's not like we're looking to get hurt, any of us. Of course we're not. There's more to it than being masochists. We want to feel loved, but more importantly, we want to feel special. This is an important point to understand. Let me try this in a scenario: When a girl meets a player, she knows she needs to stay away. However, when that player is giving HER the attention, she starts to wonder if she is the one that can change him and have him singing, "I don't wanna be a playa no mo'." Here's a guy that treats every one else like shit, but YOU are so important, that he can't help but be good to you. We don't WANT him to be mean to us, we want him to love us. (This is very important to understand because it is a common misconception that when women go for assholes, it's because we want to be treated poorly. I cannot reiterate enough that this is NOT true.) Our romantic comedies are all about this plotline: amazing girl catches the uncatchable. Pretty Woman - He has a flavor of the week until he meets the one women that can surprise him, when so few people can surprise him. Boomerang - Hallie Barry is so wonderful that Eddie Murphy resists the siren that is Robin Gibbons and learns to commit to one love. Are we good enough to make an asshole a sweetheart? We keep testing it out. We don't even know that we're doing it. We see the player, we get played. Somehow, we end up surprised.
It's not even always players. It's guys or girls that do not know HOW to be in a relationship. We want to mold them, and not even to have power over them, but to give them something, to make them see us in a light they never experienced with someone else before. Or it's just that person that everyone else wants. How special are you if he picks YOU.
We begin to fall under this subconscious assumption: The nice guys are great…except that they are nice to EVERYONE. If you didn't stumble into their lives, they would be with someone else, treating them the same way they would have treated you, probably using the same cute little nicknames, giving the same wonderful little gifts. Yeah, that's nice of him, but you're not special. He's not treating you that way because you're you and his heart is lifted, he's a nice guy…nice guys just do that. What seems like a virtue ends up being a vice: This sweet man sees every woman as unique, but if everyone is unique, then how does this make YOU unique compared to them? If everyone is special, no one is special.
I know when a nice guy comes around, I feel like it's too easy, then I complain about how hard relationships are. I whine about wanting something effortless, but when a nice guy arrives, I'm bored. Where's the challenge? He seems to like me no matter what. This may not be true, but somehow it feels true. In fact, I'm admitting that it's not true, but it is an illusion. This is what I believe we feel subconsciously. I do believe logically that a nice guy can see me as special, but something does feel strange when you've watched him hold another girl so tightly, and it's the same way he's holding you.
Welcome Back!!
I agree w| you, nice guys are usually more shy && seem unassertive. What woman cares for an unassertive man. It's like they're so scared of making a wrong move so they trap themselves in a box. Nice guys are quite boring. Everyone should have a bit of edge. When it comes to nice girl/bad girl i think girls can get away with being nice. A girl you can bring home to moms is definitely a plus. I think bad girls are more desirable. Think of when Rihanna first came out. She was pretty, cute face. Now she's the "good girl gone bad". She's called sexy before she is called pretty. Everyone wants to walk on the wild side =]
Welcome back, Cat!
This is timely. I saw a news magazine show featuring these men who made lots of money by presenting classes for nice guys. They taught them how to be a little rougher around the edges, more assertive, keep a woman's interest.
I don't know if this is something one can learn from classes, I think life's lessons bring some men around to being more assertive.
All it takes for some is to be stomped on by a few mean women. Alas, others remain nice no matter how badly they're treated.
heyy k....
ima tell u which *AF* girl it is before i start lol..this is Kiyyah and i def have a few things to say a bout this good guy thing....
first off i WANT TO MARRY A NICE GUY....not have him as a random boyfriend who i kno is prob gonna get next'ed somewhere down the line...nice guys seem to b sensitive and woman who are just looking to "date" (take that how u want to lol) dont usually go for the nice guy!!
they want that fling spur of the moment type ish...fuck the candles and chilled champange the good guys offers...
i dont expect a nice to to be very outgoing if anything i would label them as corny lol but thats just my opinion...
personally good guys are good for two things....marriage and a excellent friendship.....
it is what it is....
kiyyah
nice chatting with u...its been a while....
I don't buy into the nice guts are passive or non assertive stuff. First off nice means he doesn't disrespect you, he doesn't yoke you up in public or private when he's mad. None of that is synonymous with a lack of edge. It's being a real man.
Now perhaps we need to question the general female perspective at times. Like Denzel said in American Gangster, "The loudest person in the room is the weakest person in the room." The "bad" guy seems assertive and does things to be seen.Ok I get that, but at what point should a woman be able to see beyond the noise and flash to the substance of the a guy that plays the background and actually calls the shots?
NICE GUYS...
I'll speak on my own behalf on this one.
I grew up around men that I felt were the EPITOME of what a man should be. So I never doubted the good guys. I've come across a few jerks but in my mind I've always had a thing for the quiet charm of a genuinely sweet guy. Women like to say all men are dogs...but you are what you attract. So maybe the ratio of good guys to equally good women is slim to none. I personally feel like some women are just not prepared for everything a good man has to offer, because I feel like there is an ABUNDANCE.
The same can be said for the good girls...I being one of them.
good pst.
i dont need nice. only honest. honest to a fault. and i believe its almost impossible to be "nice" and brutally honest.
Warm welcomes to Coogie Cruz, Supastarrr, ms. downlow (Kat), Kiyyah (of the *AF* Girls), NightFall914, ♥Chymere♥, and Cecelia ...on this beautiful SEASON PREMIERE night.
Ah, Coogster. What's up, babe?
I KNOW what laziness feels like ...but this time laziness paid off. I enjoyed that quote.
A very interesting thing you mentioned was the fact that women want to feel like they're "special" ...unique in and of herself. This should explain why women usually flock to the players instead of the nice guys.
It's something to think about.
As you said, what better way for a woman to feel "special" than for a man (who can have his pick of the litter) to choose HER ...over everyone else. And yeah--
Nice guys DO treat everyone nice, don't they? So I can see how that can take away from a woman's sense of value. Ironic. [@ Coogie Cruz]
Supastarr, that 4-fingered ring is dope! I mean really. Haha, and I don't make a habit of talking fashion so pardon me.
Yes, most men who want to settle down will go for the girl he could bring to his mother. That much is true.
They definitely aren't as desired as "bad" or "sexy" girls are. There's this mentality that the nice girl is much more traditional as well. She's willing to cook and clean, which I can see working toward her favor... if she's smart.
But at the end of the day, "everyone wants to walk on the wild side". So true. [@ Supastarrr]
Hey Kat, wit' your sexy behind. Get over here girl! But first...
That sounds like a pretty provocative article. Yeah, I don't think assertiveness IS something you could teach in an "assertiveness" class (so to speak). Assertiveness comes with experience.
Now, maybe some guys WILL take to it and develop healthily. But when push comes to shove ...and your teachers and classmates aren't around, chances are that a class probably won't help you. I'd have to see what this class is about though to be sure.
Haha. The guys RUNNING the class though, they'll definitely benefit from all of this. [@ ms. downlow (Kat)]
Kiyyah, I can't WAIT to see what you have to say about all of this... it definitely has been a while.
So, you DO want a nice guy. You just want him for marriage material ...or just for a worthwhile friendship.
Actually, that's kind of like the nice girl issue I discussed with Supastarrr. We don't want to "date" nice people... they're the people you want to marry. That's the way it is.
Haha, it's funny but I don't know ANY guy who aspires to have a worthwhile "friendship" with a woman ...and ONLY a worthwhile "friendship". Especially with a woman that looks like yourself, and with YOUR personality... how could a guy be content with being "just friends" with you? That's going to be tough to find. [@ Kiyyah (of the *AF* Girls)]
(PART II)
NightFall, what's up Blog Brotha.
"...At what point should a woman be able to see beyond the noise and flash to the substance of the a guy that plays the background and actually calls the shots?"
From the general consensus so far, I'd say that point would be well beyond a woman's prime years. When she's ready to settle down.
It's like what Kiyyah said, women don't "date" the nice guy ...they "marry" them. It's a true statement, and maybe something about that needs to change in our society.
Something's definitely going on if we feel that we could "marry' someone ...yet not feel that we could "date" them. At the end of the day, the nice guy chilling in the background minding his business? He's going to have to wait a while, I'm afraid. [@ NightFall914]
Chymere, welcome to the K. Michel Press family. I REALLY enjoyed what you wrote.
You hardly hear any woman say that there is an ABUNDANCE of good men, so it took me back a bit ...but in a good way. Yes, it could very well be that most women just aren't ready to accept a good, nice guy in their lives.
In fact, this could explain why so many women would rather "marry" a nice guy than to "date" him (in addition to some of the other theories posted here).
I definitely agree that there's an abundance of "nice girls", I see them all of the time. There is definitely this perception for guys that ...we have to be prepared to be with a nice girl. You can't come as you are (so to speak), like you can with other girls. Hmm, very nice Sweetheart. [@ ♥Chymere♥]
Cecelia, my favorite cynic.
Haha! Really? Well, that's what women say but when we give you "honesty", we end up in the doghouse.
I'll concede that YOU aren't like most women. You're not. But I don't know Cici. Can you handle the truth? Hmm... [@ Cecelia]
Cecelia's wise comment brought me back to say this: Honesty was my first requirement in a man, until I married a good guy who went bad.
If you want to know more, copy and paste this link to read my story at https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1060809
I can read men well, and this man was good. I sensed he'd gone bad, and I know I'm right, even though he won't admit it. Don't really know what went wrong, but I can tell you, I let it affect me negatively, and send me on a downward spiral into my downlow lifestyle.
I need your wise counsel, K. Michel!
thanks K. ;]
Welcome Back! :D
It's good to see ms. downlow (Kat) and Supastarrr back again. Plus, lovely evenings to thehoustongirl ...who is also a pleasure to see.
Don't worry, Kat. We'll talk in private. [@ ms. downlow (Kat)]
No, thank YOU Supastarrr ...with three "R"s. Something tells me we're going to get along crazy well. [@ Supastarrr]
thehoustongirl, I missed you like thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss much! Haha. What happened to your profile pic? Put your face back, I liked it. [@ thehoustongirl]
Yayyy K you are back... I will love to comment on this right now but I cant breath and I am sick as a dog but I will def be leaving a lenghty comment soon I promise. I am so glad you are back though hun.
I can definitely handle the truth, I'm just waiting to meet somebody else who can, too.
I've never had anybody tell me something about myself that I didn't already know, so the truth won't land you in the doghouse.
More important to me than somebody who can be honest with me, is somebody who can be honest with themselves.
Very warm welcomes to xxxx, and a nice welcome BACK to cecelia;.
Thank you! It feels so good to be back to this relaxed, stress-free environment.
Do you have a fever? Cold? I hope you get MUCH, MUCH better. Now, you have me worrying... and a man is not supposed to WORRY. Haha. [@ xxxx]
You know what ...this is actually a REALLY good comment. I don't know what else to say.
Damn, Cici. How is it that you are SO grounded? I bet it's because you do yoga or something... [@ Cecelia]
Here is the problem. As any man knows growing up, one has to repeatedly deal with the recurrent mixed messages with regard to male/female relationships. It is pounded into our heads that "no means no", yet how many men have taken "no" to mean "no" and then told by the person who said "no" that they give up to fast?
Now the blog after this is one showing a film about a pretty girl being repeatedly harassed. The film showed her encountering several "ASSERTIVE" men, all of whom have some degree of an "EDGE". None of them cared whether the girl/woman was uncomfortable or not. But a man who DOES care and wants NOT to harass anyone or make anyone uncomfortable will hesitate. Such hesitation as "Supastarrr" says, puts these men in a box and they lose out. The men who didn't care win will win.
As far as men desiring bad girls, women often have a very hard time understanding a man's ability to separate sex from emotion. Men like bad girls for sex. Men want to bring nice girls home to mom.
"Great guys" who are trapped in some relationship with "total, mind-f*cking b*tches" are quite commonly there because the bad boys have often swept up the more desirable good girls. Plus, the bad girls often are the more aggressive women and will leave no doubt in a hesitant guy's mind whether she is interested or not. And lastly, women commonly change in relationships, especially after marriage. A man who is an asshole probably showed himself to be an asshole from the start and she expected to change him. A woman who is an asshole in a relationship probably seemed nice enough at first and he expected her to stay that way.
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