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K. Mizzy (as I, so elegantly, call him) is on hiatus but he let me take his place. I promised him I wouldn't go overboard with not being supervised. But "overboard" does mean different things to different people, right?
The 8 O'Clock Cat is on the scene. I feel good, and I hope you feel even better than me. If you don't ...I'll try to see what I could do about that. So, I was on YouTube the other day... and I typed in "black women black men", just to see what I would find.
After cycling through a good number of video logs, it became clear that there's a war going on between Black men and Black Sistas. It's interesting because this seems to be a problem that only Black Americans have. Alright, so now I come across this notion of "The Wall of Silence". Have you heard of it?
Apparently, a LOT of Black men are fed up. Many of them feel a sense of ill treatment from Black Sistas. A big phrase that they claim to be tired of hearing is "Black men ain't shit!" So, The Wall of Silence is a movement that, according to the cats on YouTube, has been happening for a good while now.
In The Wall of Silence movement, there's an agreement between Black men to proactively ignore the presence of ANY Black Sista. No matter how fly she is. In fact, the flyer the better to ignore. Latina Sistas, White Sistas, Asian Sistas, Indian Sistas, Pacific Islander Sistas (for you, Jillian); they need not worry, they won't be ignored. It's just the Black Sista.
I'm wondering, how does everybody feel about this? The Wall of Silence.
This is The 8 O'Clock Cat saying ...K. Mizzy, who? I kid. I kid.
The 8 O'Clock Cat Is Now On FACEBOOK
13 OF YOUR THOUGHTS PRESSED:
Interesting story to share with this on my first real encounter with this type of mentality...
Growing up in Guam, there was a very heavy military presence....Air Force base to the north....Navy Base to the South...well as a Senior in high school I began dating a Black man in the Navy...now while dating him I would get a lot of nasty looks from the black females he worked with that would come to the house parties or be out. He would tell me how they would make comments to him about his choice of girlfriend. Well one day while hanging out with he and his friends this topic came up. Now mind you at the time I just turned 18, I wasn't completely naive but I was still definitely in that "i don't know why they don't like me they don't know me" place. He made the statement the reason black men date these island women is because they are built like a black woman minus the attitude. At the time I didn't put much thought into it but as you can see it has stuck with me.
I really believe that this "conflict" between black men/women can be found in all other groups as well...the idea of "stepping outside of your own" is not uncommon to other groups...perhaps just not as discussed across boundaries as that between black men/women. I can attest that I am talked down to by my family because my primary choice of men to date are black.
So while I cannot completely wrap my mind around it nor empathize...I can say that I can see both perspectives.
All I can say is, I've never dated outside my race--and then, I've only dated a handful of brothas.
My problem is I have a strong intuition...I know when my man is lying/cheating, and every last one of them was a cheater.
I would give them the opportunity to be honest, but if they couldn't come clean, guess what, they didn't want me in my opinion.
I would love to find a brotha who would just admit he wants an open relationship--just don't sex my friends--that's what one "honest, open" brotha did. We worked together, so kept our relationship secret to avoid gossiping co-workers, or so I thought. Turns out he was sexing my friends with the same arrangement.
Brothas I've met can't stand for sistas to have the same dating option, as is the case in an open relationship.
I'm wondering if this cheating thing is unique to brothas, 'cause I'm ready to take a walk on the white side.
hey
i have noticed the war too. it is a vicious cycle.
i think if more black women dated outside the race maybe we wouldn't be so bitter. or better yet if we just let things slide and let go our baggage and misconceptions black men would love us more. i don't see black women as the only ones with attitudes. i think black men need to take some blame.
hey jillian have you ever been treated wrongly by any of the men you dated?
I've heard of this and find it to be rather stupid.The fact is no one black man has been involved with enough black females to ever paint the whole gender as something to avoid. Its a cop out if you as me.
There's attitude in all races of females. The minute you purposely go out of your way avoid all black women you going to miss the one that's made for you and could have changed your perspective of the bad experiences you've had prior.
P.S....Big bug to Jillz.She knows why. :)
Must Love...wrong in terms of taking me for granted, hurting my feelings, not being considerate sure. Wrong in terms of cheated on or physically harmed no.
I would say "avoid" or "ignore" are strong words, but a lot of black guys won't invest too much early on. By that I mean, if we [black men] encounter any "red flags" we keep it pushing. Life is too short to deal with bitter personalities - no matter the specific race.
Some men generalize, which is stupid, that black women have too much attitude. I don't agree with that generalization - never will. It's not true. However, if I'm somewhere to have fun and I speak to someone with "attitude", I move on quick. And I'll have fun with people who like to enjoy themselves, while she stews in her dead personality.
thanks for the response jillian. that's what i meant.
what i think it comes down to men are super picky. like e's said they see red flags. i mean like men have so many standards for who they want to treat right. look how high the divorce rate is. no one seems willing to work on things. what is the difference b/w attitude and not taking a man's crap?
I dont think there is any 'attitude' or 'baggage' when it comes to all black women. Thats a sad generalization and im sad for any black woman who believes in it. IMO, there has to be a serious lack of self love for a sister to believe in something so ridiculous. Same goes for any black man who feels the same.
I have never heard of this "Wall of Silence", but any man who supports this childishness isnt worth any woman's time.
Im a black woman and I have never dated outside my race. I have been done wrong in the past by a lot of men who just happen to be black, but that doesnt make me want to look elsewhere. I just enjoy my own company for a while.
I think Black men need to sit down and seriously think about why some Black women think ill of Black men. Even Obama had a thing to say about Black fathers deserting their women and their kids...
Also, it's in our culture, that men place themselves above women. They live by their own set of rules, that do not apply to women. Not all Black men of course. But as an African girl, it's embedded into our minds how to be a proper wife. It's starts young; you have to know how to cook, how to clean...not for yourself, but because you will have to do that for your man later on. My mom isnt like this, but my grandmother, she told me no [Black] man would ever want to marry me because I didnt know how to serve a man. She said all this because I didnt give my dad enough meat on his plate... It's different with African Americans, but there is still the same concept that men need to be served. My gripe is when they get all these male benefits, yet what they give in return is nowhere near commensorate.
We can find the same in other cultures, but I believe Black men take the cake. I'm in a relationship with a Nigerian man, so I obviously don't generalize though.
WOW i think thats the craziest thing i have ever heard!! whats the point??? its just gonna make black females more bitter!! come on now there needs to be a better approach!!!
Kiyyah of the AF girls!!
The bottom line is that most of us that follow this mindset have dealt with many who do not want to hear our side of things and what we've tried to do on behalf of our black "sistas". We just keep in moving. We have better things to focus on. Many of us are professionals and we get the negative done by other black men of the female's choosing put on us. You lack empathy, you lack real love and real support. You see the man as a wallet and nothing more. So guess what? Moving on...and all you will get from us is our silence as we vanish away from you.
As a black woman I can only speak for myself,and I feel that black men tend to have this misconception of black women they think that we have this attitude toward them but when you watch tv and see these black men jumping up and down, dancing,and running off because they're not the father....is dispicable! Maybe many of us are not just mad at black men we are getting fed up too!!! If the structure of family relies on the man and his presence then what are we doing as a race where there's this baby momma/baby daddy thing going on!! And this wall of silence is just another thing perpetuated by black men to hate the black woman! When we are put upon a pedestal it's because we have these ridiculous asses and no
Sense of self worth!!!!in most eyes we are whores and all were good for is making babies with and shaking our asses on tv... But when it comes to marriage and commitment a lot of black men feel like were not worth it.smh.....
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