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I never seem to get this done by 8, you know? CP time. CP time.
Hello. Whether you're a part of The Cat's Corner, or you're just curious... peep this out. It's The 8 O'Clock Cat. Why don't we talk about interracial relationships?
There's actually very little love for interracial dating. It's generally looked down upon, even if the social stigma of it is significantly lower than the 1950's. I didn't want to discuss statistics because K. Michel usually covers stuff like that, but people are leaning more and more toward people of "other" races.
With more IR couples out there, there are also more reactions. Whenever someone sees a White guy with a Latina Sista, or a Black guy with an Asian Sista, or an Asian man with a Black Sista ...eyes begin to squint, you know? It's a sign of change that's just so, "in your face". Add to that the usual public displays of affection, which most people find universally disgusting, and some people may find themselves in an uncomfortable situation.
Speaking of PDA (public displays of affection), I don't know if it's just me but... it seems that IR couples go out of their way to express their love for one another in public. Moreso than the number of couples who stay within racial lines. It's almost like they have something to prove, which would be interesting. If this is all in my gorgeous head, please feel free to tell me.
There's also backlash from the respective races of any given IR couple. So, if a person within your own race catches you, they'll make sure you know their displeasure in some way, shape or form.
So, is the stigma from family, friends and your peers, worth dating someone of a different race? Is the stigma even that bad?
This is The 8 O'Clock Cat saying ...no amount of stigma will deter me from singing the beauty of ALL the sistas in The Cat's Corner. You dig it?
The 8 O'Clock Cat Is Now On FACEBOOK
31 OF YOUR THOUGHTS PRESSED:
So, I am Puerto Rican and I have NEVER dated/been with or even kissed within my race or any Latino man for that matter. One white boy and the rest have all been black guys. It's been a heated discussion with people I know often especially living in Atlanta. I have some tell me it's okay because I am also a minority but if I was white they would be pissed, I had some people sing "Movin' on Up" as me and the guy I was with at the time passed by, I had some people just tell me they find me it sad period that I am taking one of the few straight black men. One time my friend brought me tears literally. My family, my maternal side could care less but on my paternal side I have been "stigmatized" and faced criticism saying my failed relationships are what happens when you date black men and etc. I am quick to tell them their relationships including marriage were no success with their white/ Latino husband/ boyfriend either. So it's not race, it's character. I am not going to let others dictate who I date and see, and I don't find it wrong that I am outside my race. So they can say as they want but for me I guess the stigma isn't worth trippin' over, even though I may trip about people's ignorance and close mindedness.
I think it's only so "in your face" if you have a problem with it, are single and are vying for a relationship, or are looking for it.
I notice when other people are in happy, healthy relationships, they could care less who is dating who...as long as said couple is happy.
It's the bitter or un-happy with their dating/social/love life folks who have a problem with it.
Correct me if I'm wrong
*waving* Hiiiiiii! Haven't had a chance to stop by in a while....
hmmm... interracial dating. Can I say I feel sometimey about it?
Sometimes I'm okay seeing an interracial couple boo'd up...sometimes I give the side eye(try not to)
I totally agree that they do seem extra PDA'ish. smh. Anywho... I tryyyyyy to just let them be cause I know how it feels. I haven’t dated outside of my race (and not opposed to it) but I have gone out with my Caucasian friend before, and when hop out of a cab in the city or go get drinks...people give us the eye. Doesn't feel so good! I just wanna scream..."He's not my man!!!" lol!
I admit I get a lil frustrated when I see or hear from a good guy friend who’s doing great things, (totally far from commoner status) and when I ask what’s new with them...I always get the "I'm engaged" and then they flip out their phone and its a pic of them and Barbie. *rolling eyes*
yeah...im def 50/50... I can’t decide how I feel. =/
One of my VERY first posts to *AF* was a letter from a white woman to a black magazine about interracial dating. Go read it...if you haven’t already. dig in the archives hun!!!
Good post! :)
-Kelly of *AF* oh wait- I mean "Blueblood"!
My senior year of college at an HBCU I actually dated outside of my race for the first time. I'm a black female and I dated a white guy who was a jazz major at my school.
I don't even think we displayed our affection more than other couples, but black guys always had comments or looks to show their disgust with our relationship. People have to learn that romance is colorblind.
Hey everybody. I've been keeping an eye on things while The New 8 O'Clock Cat did me a solid and kept things running while I was away. By the looks of it, he couldn't wait until I left... hmm.
The warmest of welcomes to Coogie Cruz, DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES, Kelly (of Kelly Nina Kiyyah), & missrekaeagle.
Movin' On Up?? Haha, that's wild. Yeah, Latina Sistas and Black men are a common interracial group in NYC ...where we both live.
Some people don't even consider it interracial at all because Latinas and Blacks are just so close out here. We go to the same schools, live in the same neighborhoods. But, still, the parents are very wary of it. [@ Coogie Cruz]
You bring a very good point, babe. Most of the people who hate on IR couples DO tend to be single. It makes sense.
"So that's why I'm single... all the good ones are going outside of the race!" ...and so on.
As far as bitter people; they don't want to see any couples much less IR ones. When you're in a good relationship though, you don't really care who you offend. [@ DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES]
You can certainly say you feel "sometimey" about it, Blue Blood.
I'm glad The 8 O'Clock Cat actually chose this topic because it's controversial. You touched upon the issue of established and productive men dating women of other races. There are a LOT of people opposing IR marriages just for this reason. [@ Kelly (of Kelly Nina Kiyyah)]
Guys really don't like IR dating, either ...and sometimes society forgets. How did you even meet a guy that was a Jazz major? You don't hear that every day, you know. [@ missrekaeagle]
this is a intresting topic of discussion!!!
i am biracial so my family doesnt have an issue with IR dating.
i feel like if two people are happy who are we as outsiders to judge?
i tryyyyy (key word TRY) my hardest to treat people how i wanna be treated so i may look or maybe even possibly stare but it doesnt make me feel unconfortable!
even if they are a little extra thats their business lol i laugh just about everything off with a slick comment to my girls on the side!!
i have dated outside of my race and dont really care for it but i say hey try everything at least once....to each his own tho!!
Kiyyah of *AF*
Your blogs are very refreshing! hope you have a twitter account by any chance...
I've dated(or had relations) outside my race before. And its ill as a black man to get all these negative views put on you based on nothing but my skin tone. I don't talk uneducated, I have my BA, come from a loving family with both parents still married,etc,etc.
In most cases I have a better life(yeah it sounds foul but its true) then the people talking down to me. I was seeing a Filipino girl and she was cool, her brothers and all the younger family had no issue with it but it was the parents the were full of stigmas.
I've also gotten it from PR/DR and other spanish speaking cultures. It's like everytime I hear "negro/negrito or moreno" its something slick and they don't think I know what their saying.
I don't get it but I just let spur me on and not try to dwell on others bullshit mentalities. I see brother getting his Swirl on it's all cool with me.If a sista does the same then hey respect to the white boy and keep it moving.
Lovely afternoons to Kiyyah (of Kelly Nina Kiyyah), Tru T$chat$zli, and NightFall914.
You're biracial? What are you mixed with ...I'd really love to know.
With IR couples sometimes you just HAVE to stare, if only for curiosity's sake. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. [@ Kiyyah (of Kelly Nina Kiyyah)]
Wow! Thank you, babe. I'm not on Twitter ...but I AM on Facebook with The 8 O'Clock Cat.
At the end of every article with The 8 O'Clock Cat, there's a link that will take you there. If you have suggestions for a topic, or just want to browse through some of my favorite "8 O'Clock Cat Moments" ...or see stuff that usually gets cut. That's where it happens.
Should I get Twitter though? Do you have Twitter? If you do, e-mail it to me. [@ Tru T$chat$zli]
Haha, yeah... this definitely hits close to home. It seems like the generational gap is just SO wide right now between us and our parents. We're doing things now that they didn't necessarily do back in the day.
So in terms of IR dating, it's going to be tough... especially if you have darker skin than your partner. I imagine that all you CAN do is, well ...what you've been doing. Remaining calm and pushing forward.
The last thing anybody wants to do is prove them right. [@ NightFall914]
dangg u nosey.....SIKE....lol
i am black and white...(irish and german)!!!!!
kiyyah of *AF*
I grew up in NYC as well (South Bronx near Yankee Staduim and Brooklyn)! Hell, my entire family is still there, I just moved to Atlanta to go to college and even though I graduated I am still here...for about another yea.
It's very nice to see Kiyyah (of Kelly Nina Kiyyah) and Coogie Cruz back here again.
Haha, why I gotta be nosey for? So your 1/3 Irish, 1/3 German, and 1/3Jamaican? [@ Kiyyah (of Kelly Nina Kiyyah)]
Ah, South Bronx. The birthplace of Hip-Hop. It gets live up there. You know Bronx and Brooklyn don't like each other, right? [@ Coogie Cruz]
Hey bro.
I think as time goes on were going to see more and more of this and wont give it a second thought, hell it might get to the point were we same race cuples as an oddity. Not sure if thats a good thing or bad.
Lol I am 25% irish and german and 75% black (not jamacian)!!!!
And I kno I'm only 25% white but to me it counts!!
I love allllll sides of my family!!!!!
Kiyyah of *AF*
Warm welcomes to clnmike and I always love it when Kiyyah (of Kelly Nina Kiyyah) stops by.
You know what, my man, I always thought that the only way racial tension would end in the US was if everybody just fucked and had "mocha-colored babies". But that would take a while.
Your way is a little more feasible, but it'll take a while as well. Even though IR dating is starting to take off, the number one choice of Black men are still Black women... and vice versa.
In fact, those are the numbers for practically every race, the majority of people in the world today are dating within their own. But, in about 45 years ...I could see your vision actually happening. [@ clnmike]
Sorry! So, 25% Irish AND German ...and 75% Trinidadian. Got it. [@ Kiyyah (of Kelly Nina Kiyyah)]
i think that at the end of the day no matter how great the backlash, the disgust, etc. if you really love someone then the fight and the struggle is more than worth it. i wont even lie i have no problem with interracial dating but what i hate is those people who just refuse to date someone within their race just because... i especially hate those who put a group of people in one category. i.e they date one black female with an attitude they wont talk to any black female because "we all have stink attitudes" its the negative connotations and the stigmas that upset me more than anything.
ok i have one other thing to add and everyone please correct me if i am wrong. i have no problems with interracial relationships as i stated before but (tell me if i am lying) to me it seems as though the black guys that date outside of their race especially those that go after white females, they settle for anything as long as their ligher than they black sistas. here in atlanta most of the interracial relationships that i see with regards to a black man and a white woman she is usually sloppy and just not up to par. at least the white men when they date black women or out of their race they go for the top notch female, not just any old thing like the black guys do.. its like they feel like ok i am dating a white woman now so im good. im moving up... ahhh no cause at the end of the day whether you have a white woman on your arm or not you are still black and you will always be a minority.. just my thought
I met the jazz major becuz we were both Chancellor's scholars at my university. We actually went on a trip to Baton Rouge and New Orleans together with the school, but nothing sparked till later on.
yeah i dated a guy from the bronx (i am from brooklyn) and the entire time we were together all he kept saying was brooklyn people didnt know how to act and that he dont come to brooklyn.. we are a different species... we are in a world all by ourselves... i just chucked it up to him being a punk lol
Lovely afternoons to xxxx and it's so cool to see missrekaeagle again.
It looks like you got a lot off of your chest, and that's exactly what this page is for babe.
You brought in the reverse situation; people who do not date WITHIN their own race because of a stereotypical prejudice. I don't like that either ...I REALLY don't like it.
The only thing you could do in those situations is be the exception to the rule. So, if a guy thinks that ALL Black women have attitudes, you can shut him up by maintaining your composure.
Haha, you brought in the Black dude with the White Sista. That's good. Nothing is taboo here. Let's see...
I think with a lot of people who date interracially, they don't take race into consideration. If they did, they'd probably scare themselves from what "society" or their families might think.
So, when you see a Black guy with a "sloppy" White Sista ...it might not have been for looks. Maybe they could relate to one another. Or maybe, that Black guy has lived in the suburbs all of his life and knows all but 3 other Black people his age.
Or maybe you're right, and he just likes women of a lighter shade. But, we can't assume the worst when it comes to Black men and White Sistas because we just don't know the entire story.
However, most Black men DO prefer their Black Sistas in terms of marriage and pursuing a relationship ...almost overwhelmingly.
--And that Bronx dude is VERY weak. I hope you nexted his ass, babe. Haha. [@ xxxx]
Ah, Chancellor's Scholar... smart cookie. So you didn't hook up in Nawleans, but weeks after? I'm sure that has a VERY interesting story behind that.
You sure you didn't hook up a little bit, in Nawleans? Hmm... [@ missrekaeagle]
SMH and LMAO!!! ur a mess!!! lets just call me american!!! smiles
Kiyyah of *AF*
oh and a FYI i am Kiyyah of (Almost Famous) lol not Kiyyah of (Kelly Nina Kiyyah)
thanks love!!
lol @ in your gorgeous head, you're funny & very handsome. i do agree that it seems like interracial couples go out of their way with pda, but in their eyes, they do have something to prove.
Warm welcomes to A.R. and Kiyyah (of "Almost Famous") comes back for more.
I said "Kelly Nina Kiyyah" because I usually call everyone by yhis or her usernames. But, you girls are different because there's 3 of you.
Consider it done, though. If it's Kiyyah (of Almost Famous) you want ...it's Kiyyah (of Almost Famous) you get. I'm smooth like that. [@ Kiyyah (of *Almost Famous*)]
Ah, stop it! I embarrass easily, babe...
Yeah, I could see that. Maybe they want to show everyone that society's opinions don't matter. [@ A.R.]
I'm a bit late on this topic, but I felt that I should still put my 2 cents in.. I'm an Black female from Brooklyn & I dated an Italian from Massachusetts for 1 yr & 7 months... We broke up recently, but are working things out, so the connection is still there.. In the beginning people would stare at us around here (North Adams, Mass.) and people would also stare when he came up to Brooklyn.. I live in Flatbush & people would act like they've never seen a White person before.. Despite that, both of our families are accepting.. The matter of more PDA than normal may just have to do with the people & not the IR relationship.. I've dated mostly black guys in the past & none were openly affectionate, but my Italian is.. It's not always about something to prove.. People just want to be happy I guess..
Welcome to the family, Free to be ME.
Ah, it's NEVER too late to comment on anything here. It's as much your site as it is mine's.
I couldn't help but think of "Jungle Fever" when I read your comment. Did you see that movie? That's the one where Wesley Snipes ("Flipper") dates this Italian girl in the mid '90s.
I bring up "Jungle Fever" because I want to know how your parents took it. Nowadays, a lot more parents are opening up to IR relationships in terms of who their children date.
--You live in NYC too? Yeah, it gets awkward out here in terms of IR dating. However, if you check certain places ...like colleges, even high schools, you'll see a flux of IR relationships.
Only then, no one will hardly say anything about it. It really is a weird situation. [@Free to be ME]
Interacial dating kinda hits a sore spot for me at times because I've dated someone who cheated on me with a white woman..smh. Cheating is wrong regardless, but the "black woman" in me took that as a sign of personal disrespect.
I don't know what it is, but for some strange reason I am more aware and "eye" a couple when I see a WHITE male or female dating black/asian/latino,etc.
I have NO issues if another minority dates another minority(i.e black male and asian female. etc.. It's crazy.. I have no idea what my hang up is with that. I guess we've all been conditioned in some way and it's hard to outgrow a mentality you've adapted to. Black women often take a black man dating a white woman more personally than any other race. Times have changed and we have to also.
I'm definitely not opposed to dating outside my race and don't feel it's my business to judge or dictate what race someone should date.
~Nina of *AF*
www.theafgirls.com
My mother is the product of an IR relationship and I see how people look at my grandparents and judge them, it kind of makes me mad..maybe because they are my blood. Because on the other hand I do get irritated to hear about a good black man dating outside of his race. Its kind of a slap in the face for African American women.Some of this i blame on society its just something we treat and discuss like its the plaque. Me personally I'm just torn between the two. I can relate on both ends because of my grandparents and seeing there struggle but the proud African American women in me feels some type of way about it.
Lovely evenings to Nina (of *AF*) and luvleeme83.
There's a VERY big issue in regards to the black community if a Black person dates a White person ...and vice versa in the White community. There are way too many factors that go into that perception to write on one page.
I think we're just very loyal to those within our own race... because a lot of us HAD to be for decades. So, when someone goes outside of the race, it's kind of like a betrayal.
Either way, what kind of FOOL would cheat on you? I mean seriously.
--No wonder why you like to give guys a tough time. Man...[@ Nina (of *AF*)]
It has GOT to be tough dealing with those conflicting emotions, babe. Yet, so many people feel the same way.
We also think that the person involved has found something in that other race, that they couldn't find in their own. That could be seen as a huge insult. [@ luvleeme83]
k.michel yes i got rid of him...lol we actually broke up like two weeks ago he was too weak and insecure i cant deal with that...always felt like he had to prove he was the "man" in the relationship...
A lot of people mention that movie, but I've only seen like the beginning of it =\ I do need to take the time to watch it... My parents were really accepting, but it might also be that they met him when we were just friends.. & our families have this great familial connection.. Every time my family comes to visit me at school or pick me up we go by his house & have a gathering.. My mother used to always tell me that I could date whatever type of person I wanted & it's not necessarily a matter of finding something in a RACE that you couldn't find in your own, but instead finding something in a PERSON that you didn't find in others.. & I haven't had anyone of my friends who know have an issue as if I'm 'selling out,' they're all accepting.. He's even met my grandmother, who's from the South..
I guess the comment about conditioning is true, but I've always been the type of person who doesn't go for that.. If the black man is down STILL it's not truly because the MAN is holding him there, but in turn, he is holding himself there..
Aww thanks...*blushing*..his loss!
Unfortunately we all get hurt at some point in time in relationships. I'm doing my best not to let that ruin my perception on issues such as this post's topic and relationships in general.
~Nina of *AF*
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